Hello!

...and Welcome to this issue of Time to Think - the bi-monthly e-zine for professional women - dedicated to helping you thrive.

Our theme this time is Well Being. But you can relax, this is not yet another "How-to" article. There's a plethora of information available on how to improve your well-being. So instead let's address "what is it that stops you from acting on any of that information".

Let's face it, for many women, taking care of yourself often slips to the bottom of the list. So I thought I'd take a radical look at why this happens and hopefully get you motivated enough to take good care of the most important person in your life: YOU!

Also in this issue:

In need of a treat? Make sure you read about Maggie and Moira before reaching for that chocolate cake...

And you can be in with a chance to win a Well-being Makeover.

Enjoy!

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Get YOU on your list.

Despite the fact that you probably know what to do to improve your well-being, are you stuck in one of these "Yes, but..." scenarios...

Stewed frog - you’ll probably have heard the story about how a frog that falls into boiling water will hop straight out again, but one that sits in cold water that gradually heats up, won’t notice and will eventually be stewed! Now I’m not sure how accurate that story is, but I do know that it can be very easy to ignore stress until eventually you burn yourself out. Or, less dramatically, to simply get used to feeling run down, tired and out of sorts much of the time. So…think about the last time you felt GREAT? Remember? And what feels normal for you these days? So what do you need to do to get more GREAT in your life?

Blinkered horse - Are you always at full tilt? Are your days filled with endless activity? Blinkers stop horses from seeing things outwith the direction they’re going. Constant "busy-work" can sometimes be a way of blinkering yourself - helping you avoid seeing those areas of work or home life that you're not so happy about. There is an antidote: Trust yourself. The past can always be released and the present is always being created. So try taking the blinkers off for a while - and if you'd like some company on a re-viewing of your life, give me a call.

Captain Indispensable - Are you the company superhero? Do you subscribe to the belief “If you want a job done right, you have to do it yourself”? Does the thought of how your staff/boss/kids/etc would cope if you took time out stop you from working on your own goals? The problem most superheros face is that, while they're out saving the world, their own careers & needs are neglected.
The truth is: the only place you are indispensable is as captain of your own ship. Why not switch-off the autopilot and steer a fresh course. Or (at the risk of taking this metaphor a little too far) could you use some time in dry-dock, scraping the barnacles off your bottom!?

Closely related to Captain Indispensable is Ms Martyr - “If I just keep doing everything then someday someone will notice and my sacrifice will be rewarded…” The key word here is sacrifice. If you recognise a tendency for Ms Martyr to pop up in your life, then take swift action: resentment is always detrimental to your well-being. Stop waiting for your sacrifice to be noticed and start rewarding yourself. You don’t need anyone else’s approval.
Of course the world is a better place when people are helpful and do things for others. The key to giving Ms Martyr the boot is to start thinking in terms of being of service, rather than sacrificing yourself.

One of the most fundamental blocks to taking care of your well-being is the feeling that you don’t really deserve it. If your self-esteem is low (whether temporarily or as a long standing issue) tending to your well-being is an excellent way of raising it. Proving to your inner self that you are worthwhile and loveable, by giving yourself nurturing food and experiences, really does help.

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Relax and Revive

Need to chill out, unwind or re-energise? You've come to the right place...

Here's a quick exercise to promote relaxation...

Throughout this exercise, make sure that you are breathing into your abdomen and not into your upper chest. (Your tummy should expand and contract as you breathe in and out, but your upper chest should remain still.)

Close your eyes. Imagine that you are made of ice. Perhaps you're an ice sculpture in a cold garden. Take a few moments to experience the cold hard unyielding quality of the ice. Notice how stiff and unresponsive you feel.

Now imagine the sun has come out. The ice begins to melt. Feel your skin softening - then your limbs.

Remembering to breathe into your tummy, with each out breath, allow the warm sun to melt the ice, concentrating on the feeling of softening and relaxation.

If the feeling of being made of ice has resonance for you, remember that the other thing that melts ice is salt water. Give yourself a quiet afternoon or evening with a box of tissues and your favourite "weepie". Personally I recommend "Fried Green Tomatoes at the Whistle Stop Cafe" and "How to Make an American Quilt", both of which are warm and inspirational movies, through which I defy you to stay dry eyed!

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Trick or Treat

What's your favourite way of giving yourself a treat? Have you ever thought about the impact "treats" can have on your goals? Have you ever wondered whether you might be secretly sabotaging yourself...

Moira is aiming to build her business, so she signs up for regular networking events. However, quite often, she thinks "I've had a really bad week - I don't have enough energy for networking. I'm going to treat myself by going out for a coffee instead!" Once at the coffee shop, and feeling vaguely guilty about missing the event, Moira decides her day's been so stressful that she "needs" some chocolate cake as well (despite the fact that she started a new diet the week before). Moira spends her time at the coffee shop wondering whether she's missed anything important at the networking event.

Maggie is also aiming to build her business, and signs up for the same events. Like Moira, Maggie finds it hard to motivate herself to go especially when she's had a tough week. Maggie's approach is to tell herself "I've had a tough week, so I'll go for just an hour, but make the most of it. Then, I'll treat myself to a visit to the coffee shop." Once at the coffee shop, Maggie feels good she made the effort and is able to resist the chocolate cake (reminding herself that healthy eating will help combat her stress). Maggie spends her time at the coffee shop thinking about where she'd like her business to be 12 months from now.

To what extent do you recognise yourself in either Moira or Maggie? Can you think of ways in which your choices support your goals and ways in which they don't?

In these examples, it's clearly Moira who's sabotaging herself. Maggie may seem like a paragon of virtue, but in fact she's applying some key principles, and so can you...

• Reward yourself rather than console yourself. (Notice how Moira's treat is connected to "a tough week" whereas Maggie's treat is connected to "having networked for an hour despite having had a tough week".)
• Be clear about why you're doing something (e.g. eating healthily because it helps to combat stress)
• Choose long term success over short term relief
• However you decide to treat yourself - enjoy it!

Notice also how, in both cases, there was a knock on effect from the networking event issue to the chocolate cake issue! Few things in life exist in isolation.

That's not to say that chocolate is necessarily a bad thing. Sometimes it's good to break out and do something that might be considered "naughty". It's your approach to treats that counts: make them "goal enhancing" rather than "goal sabotaging" and you'll really reap the benefits...

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