Hello!

...and Welcome to this issue of Time to Think - the bi-monthly e-zine for professional women - dedicated to helping you thrive.

Did you know that happy people live, on average, seven years longer than unhappy people?

But judging from things I’ve heard and read recently, happiness seems to have an certain 'mystique' about it.

I think it’s time to give happiness a 'down to earth' make-over…so in this issue you can read about ways you can be happier right now as well as in the future.

And if you're thinking "She's been taking the Polly-Anna pills again" - make sure you read my response to all you cynics out there!

There's only a few days left!! For what? To take advantage of my special New Year offers, that's what!!

Plus, news of another, exclusive FREE WORKBOOK, and, an exciting new money saving benefit for Results Agency clients.

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The Happiness Factor

Recently I overheard someone say that she “didn’t know how to be happy”. Then last week I read in a magazine about a famous actress who is “struggling to find happiness”.

Statements of this kind are not uncommon, but don't they strike you as odd? I can’t imagine anyone saying that they don’t know how to be confused. And when was the last time you struggled to find crossness?

Just like confusion, amazement, anger, sadness, (etc), happiness is a state of mind and a state of heart. It’s an attitude, associated with particular feelings/sensations in your body and particular kinds of thoughts.

So how come happiness can seem so elusive when, someone omits to put their cup in the dishwasher and Bingo! - you’re cross again?

Well, I think it’s down to just two things

1. faulty notions about happiness
2. where you choose to put your attention

Here are a few of the faulty notions about happiness I’ve identified. Which ones do you recognise…

Faulty Notions No 1: “Happiness only counts when it lasts”
Actually happiness is happiness, however fleeting. In every life there are peaks and troughs. And in fact it’s the contrast that makes life interesting. But somehow the troughs seem to hold our attention more readily. Even if you feel happy for only a moment today – notice it. Admit it. Enjoy it.

Faulty Notions No 2: As Eddi Reader said: “It’s got to bee-e-e-e-e-e-e perfect”
Are you waiting for it all to be perfect before you'll be happy? Is happiness something that exists in your future, but not your present? Tell yourself “I’ll be happy when…” and you miss the possibility of happiness right now. Follow your dreams, yes, but enjoy the ride!

Faulty Notions No 3: “He/she/it’s not making me happy”.
Actually this statement is correct – what’s faulty is the idea that he/she/it SHOULD be “making” you happy. You can’t control others. Neither can they control how you feel. What you can control is how you choose to respond and how you choose to feel.

Faulty Notions No 4: “Happiness comes with fireworks & a flourish of trumpets.”
Well, it does sometimes. Other times it’s a slow warmth, a feeling of ease, a positive vibe… how many ways can YOU feel happiness?

Why not examine your notions about happiness – and see how many you can debunk!

Read on for 3 key ways you can experience more happiness, more of the time…

So far we’ve figured out that

• there’s lots of ways to experience happiness
• happiness is a natural human state – as accessible as boredom, curiosity, hope, resentment, etc
• you don’t need to have a perfect life in order to be happy

So what’s next?

Happy Habits

Habits can be useful things. Remember how hard it was to navigate a roundabout before steering, changing gear and monitoring traffic became habits?

You’ve got habitual ways of thinking too. Some of these are more useful than others. So stop for a minute and consider: Where are you in the habit of focusing your attention?

Is it on the negative things in life? Or on the positive?

Is it on the stressful, or the joyful? Worrying about bad things that might never happen, or planning for the good things you can make happen?

If you want to be more happy more of the time, where do you think YOU should focus your attention?

Fairly obvious isn’t it? As Paul McKenna says: “What you practise, you become.”

Three keys ways to accentuate the positive…

Use your body to influence how you feel. Exercise is terrific for improving your mood. Even a ten minute walk round the block will do wonders. Just think what ½ hour dancing round the living-room will do! But you can improve how you feel in a few seconds just by standing tall, looking ahead (instead of down), relaxing your shoulders and breathing properly. Really. Try it right now.

Amplify positive thinking. Whenever you catch yourself going into a negative spiral of feelings & thoughts, STOP! Go back to the event that sparked it off and amplify positive feelings/thoughts instead. For example: let’s go back to that dirty cup left in the coffee room…

Amplifying the negative: oh look at that cup… some people have no manners… why should I have to clean up after everyone… I'm not their servant… maybe I'll complain… what's the point... etc etc

Amplifying the positive: oh look at that cup… well, at least the dishwasher’s got room in it… in fact, someone must have emptied it earlier…most people do make an effort… I’ll send out an email thanking people for doing their bit – and reminding everyone to clean up after themselves… that should do the trick… etc etc

Count your blessings – especially take notice of the things (& the people) you might be taking for granted… A few years ago, I lived for about 6 months in a flat where showers meant kneeling in the bath with one of those rubber hoses attached to the taps. With low water pressure, it was either a dribble of warm water or a sputter of cold. Then we moved into a new house with a separate power-shower. It felt like real luxury! 7 years later it can still feel that way – so long as I remember to appreciate it.

In summary: if you want to experience happiness more often:

• Notice it
• Enjoy it
• Amplify it
• Remember it
• Above all: Practise it.

Happy 2007!!

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Relax and Revive

Need to chill out, unwind or re-energise? You've come to the right place...

(Read these instructions through before trying this.)

What is your ideal holiday? Let's go there now.

Remember or imagine every detail of your perfect holiday:
Feel the sun on your skin & the sand between your toes - or the wind in your hair.
Imagine all the sights (in glorious technicolour). What is your perfect holiday view?
Next: what can you hear? Surf? Skis? Mountain goats?
Now add in the smells and tastes - the scent in the air - your favourite holiday foods.

Totally immerse your self in this imaginery get-away-from-it-all break.

Now notice all those positive holiday feelings. Make them bigger, brighter, bolder. Let those wonderful feelings fill you up from your toes to the top of your head!

When you're ready, float back to the present moment, retaining as much of that feel-good holiday sensation as you wish.

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Bah Humbug? (A Word to the Cynics)

I know from some of the feedback I've had that one or two of you (you know who you are!) respond to some of my exercises/suggestions with: "That's all very well, BUT...

• ...it's not as simple as that."
• ...I don't have time for that."
• ...that wouldn't work for me"
• ...that sort of thing makes me feel silly/uncomfortable/bored/guilty/etc."

Trying the 'tasters' I include here will make a positive difference (by 'trying' I mean doing the exercise every day for at least a week).

Being really honest, what's really honestly stopping you from really, honestly trying it?

Sometimes it can be easy to get caught up in what a friend of mine calls the “drama” in one’s life. Or to become attached to the familiar place you’re at, even when it’s not a particularly comfortable place. So moving forward seems harder than staying put.

If you've been stressed out, or low in self-esteem, for any length of time, it can be hard to imagine a different way of life. Much less believe that it's possible. This is exactly the situation in which coaching can make a difference.

Remember, you have the resources you need right now. And those resources include the discomfort of your present situation...

"The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers."

(M. Scott Peck)

Those resources also include my telephone number. Give me a call - together we'll turn your "Yes, BUT..." into "Yes, AND..."

No-one else can do it for you, but you DON’T have to do it by yourself.

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