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If you're frozen and frazzled this week, take a break and read about how the curse of "best ever" is keeping you from the real magic of mid-winter....

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ARTICLE: Return of the White Witch?

(How to Escape from the Curse of "Best Ever Christmas")

If you’re like many woman right now, you’ll be preparing for the festive season. In fact, you’re probably just about flat out by now, rushing headlong to the holidays.

I have an image of the archetypal modern woman in mid-December:

She’s at full tilt, a cranberry muffin in one hand, a roll of sticky tape in the other, and trailing lists and tinsel as she hurtles from shops to the office party, to the school play. Her feet are killing her, but she can’t sit down in her "shapewear".

She often looks distracted (due to a niggling feeling that there’s someone she’s forgotten to buy a present for). And from time to time, she can be heard muttering “It’s alright for Nigella…”

Does this sound like anyone you know!? Could it perhaps … be YOU?

If so, then despite this being the season of “Peace and Goodwill” you’re unlikely to be filled with inner peace. Perhaps because you’ll be too busy trying to fulfil the impossible?

Which is: to create – in the words of this month’s Good Housekeeping - the “Best Ever Christmas”.

Why are you trying to do this? Because pretty much every magazine and advert out there is exhorting you to do it. That’s why!

And the implication is: if you don’t have your "Best Ever” Christmas, then you’re failing.

Oh no! You might just have a merely “good” time, instead of the absolute sparkliest, snowiest, most glamorous, super-fantabulous festivities EVER!!!!

And yet…. And yet….

The Real Blessings of Christmas

Can you feel it? Just be still and quiet for a minute. There…. No …. Yes – there it is.....

A quiet longing. For the real blessings of this holiday season:

For love. For joy and peace. The co-creation of fond memories. And bright hopes for the future.

Even if your culture doesn’t include “Christmas” in it’s religious sense, these very human needs are highlighted at this time of year.

The Return of the White Witch?

But for too many of us, the holidays mean stress and more stress. Some say that it’s due to the enforced proximity of family members you can avoid the rest of the year!

I think it’s more to do with the comparison of the “perfect festive season” with the one you’re actually having.

Now I talk a lot about how you can live your best life. By this I mean: the life you’re longing for – a life that encompasses the things you really need and want.

And in particular, it means the life that’s best for who you are today.

Does your best life really include Christmases that have to “measure up” to some air-brushed ideal? While you’re so frazzled that you just want to collapse on the sofa with the largest glass of wine you can find?

Does the true message of mid-winter boil down to the perfect gift, perfectly wrapped under the perfect tree in the perfectly lit drawing room? (See any women’s magazine for an example.)

Oh…, but Helen (you cry), these images are so seductive!

Well, of course they are. This festive season holds great power (especially for those of us in the northern hemisphere). The still-point of mid-winter has been celebrated back into ancient times.

And the magazines and the TV ads play on our very real desire for warmth and light and community at this cold, dark and dismal time of year.

I love the sparkle and glow of it all too. I still remember how, as a child, I was horrified by the White Witch in Narnia, who made it “always winter and never Christmas”.

It’s just that, having to create your “Best Ever” Christmas, (and presumably your Best, Best Ever one next year) sounds like almost as much of a curse.

The Things That Really Matter

How to break the curse?

Remember what matters.

As you zoom from one task to the next, and especially if you are feeling stressed by the pressure of “Best Ever”, bear in mind that the only things that actually matter are the things that really matter to you.

Mid-winter celebrations – however you label them - are about light returning out of dark, and a promise of spring to come.

And that’s something we all could use.

In that spirit, I offer my top tips for finding Christmas blessings you can spend the rest of the year counting.

And an invitation to slow down, and open up to the magic of the season…

1. For inner riches: take moments every day to remember how much you love your friends and family, and are loved by them.
2. Give a priceless gift – without spending a penny: Who might you have been taking for granted? Write a letter to them, telling them how much you love and appreciate them – and why. Be specific. (Write by hand, not email – handwritten has so much more power – and makes a lovely keepsake.)
3. For inner peace: What do you consider are your worst failings? Forgive yourself - out loud. Make it formal: “I totally forgive myself for…..” Wipe your inner slate clean. Remember: Without forgiveness, there can be no peace, only truce.
4. More inner peace: And while you’re at it, what about forgiving Auntie Mabel, and your mother-in-law, and anyone else you’re holding a seasonal grudge against. Because, you know what? They’ve got a perfect Christmas (or Diwali, or whatever) that they’re trying to measure up to too.
5. For empowerment: As the year turns, our thoughts, quite rightly, turn to reflection and anticipation. Schedule some quiet time – just for you. Reflect on the year gone past and ask yourself: "What do I want to have happen in 2008?” Write resolutions. Mean it.
6. For inner blessings: Be present. When you’re rushing, or stressed, what’s happening around you can be just background noise. And yet, we none of us know what’s round the corner. By deliberately paying attention, (noting sounds, sights, smells, colours, sensations…) you can actively create good memories. Memories that will warm you in the coming years, whatever happens in your life.
7. For relaxation: There is so much “doing” at this time of year. Make time just to BE with loved ones, or with yourself.
8. Remember: Trying to achieve the impossible airbrushed “lifestyle TV” view of Christmas is a sure recipe for stress. Does it really matter whether you have the perfect Christmas napkins or not? Just ask yourself, “What sort of festive season do I want for myself and my loved ones?” Concentrate on that. Forget the rest.

My very warmest wishes to you and yours.

Helen

If this article has spoken to you, and you'd like some support in creating the life you're longing for, get in touch and let's talk about how you can do that...

About the Author: Helen Ross-Hamilton is a holistic coach specialising in helping professional women who want to stop striving and start thriving. Find out more and get free on-line resources at www.theresultsagency.co.uk

Enjoy this article? This article may be reprinted so long as it is intact, reproduced in it's entirety, including the "About the Author" information, and, all links are working. And send me a courtesy note.

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Relax and Revive

At this time of year, my best tip is to put your feet up with a cup of tea and enjoy absolute silence for 5 minutes. (Or more if you can.)

Everytime your brain tries to get you thinking about something you haven't done, thank it for it's help and tell it you'll get back to it!!

I'd like to wish all of my readers a very happy festive season, whatever you're celebrating. And I hope that 2008 brings you all of the things you would wish for yourself.

And if you haven't already checked out my fabulous new programme "Launch your Best Life in 2008", (or even if you have) make sure you find out how you can really make it happen in 2008. Plus, download your FREE guide to "Making New Year Resolutions You'll Want to Keep"...

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